A New Trimester

Dear Diary,

Well, I’ve officially passed from the first trimester to the second. With this passing, has come a little more energy, less nausea and less middle of the night trips to the bathroom. It’s a good feeling! I’m 13 weeks today. The  kids are continuing to pepper me with questions about me, the baby and the birthing process. Lighthearted and funny questions to the more serious ones, everything from, “Is having a baby like pooping?” to “How does a baby die?”

Jadon asked me about death tonight while sitting on the couch with me after his bath. He had been asking all sorts of questions about birth and the differences between c-sections and natural birth.

Then he paused and looked very serious as he asked, “Mom, how does a baby die?”

I asked, “Well, what do you mean, Bud?”

“Like when a baby dies before it comes out.”

I wondered where he’d heard of this. We didn’t really talk to them about miscarriage or still birth so I was baffled as to why he was thinking about it. I said, “Well there are lots of things that could go wrong, and sometimes we don’t always know why. Sometimes it’s because the baby didn’t grow properly or in the right place. Or sometimes the heart just stops.”

“And then it dies? When the heart stops?” He asked.

“Yes bud, if the heart were to stop beating, the baby would die.” I answered. I quickly followed up with, “That’s why whenever a baby is born, it’s such a happy thing because every baby is a miracle.”

He smiled and then put his hand on my belly and said, “I hope this doesn’t happen to our baby, Mom.”

“Me too, Bud.” I said, “That’s why Mommy and Daddy pray for our baby a lot.”

He smiled and said, “I’ll pray for our baby too.”

Then I hugged him and said, “The baby is going to be okay, hun.”

Then it was bedtime and he said goodnight to me and the baby and went off to bed. As Tim was praying with the kids before bed and tucking them in, Jadon said a prayer for the baby, “…that everything would be okay with the baby, and the baby won’t die. I really care about this baby, so could You make sure the baby doesn’t die?” So precious.

It’s a real fear for me sometimes. I haven’t had an ultrasound since 7 weeks and everything looked okay then. We should have another one in about a month. I’m so nervous that something will be wrong. We’ve had three healthy babies with no complications, are we pushing our luck having another one?? I know that’s not really how it works and I know it’s out of my hands. I’ve done all I can to ensure this baby is getting the best nourishment, vitamins and love, but I know sometimes it’s not enough. I really have no choice but to trust God that all will be as it should.

I started watching a new BBC series called, “Call the Midwife.” It’s about mid-wives and childbirth in the 1950s. I’ve watched the first episode and I’m hooked! It’s on Netflix and I highly recommend it. It’s cool to see how integrated mid-wives were back then. Every birth was attended by one. So awesome.

Well, I’m getting tired, going to go spend the rest of the evening with Tim.

 

Till Next Time,

Ashley

 

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