Getting Going Again

Dear Diary,

Wow, it’s been a long time since I’ve written. Lots of things have happened and I’m sure I’ll write more about those soon, but I’ve been inspired lately to keep up more with my writing, so here I am. I’ve had the excuse lately of “I just don’t have the time.” and while that may be the case, I sure haven’t tried to make the time. Writing, for me, has always been a good form of honest therapy and I look forward to delving back into it. When I sat down today to write something, I typed and hit “backspace” a bunch of times before I thought of anything. Nothing was coming out. Nothing. So I’ve decided to follow in the footsteps of a friend and fellow blogger, and write 20 things you may not know about me…

1.) I have OCD. Many people don’t know this about me, I’m pretty tricky about keeping it under wraps. (Or at least I think it usually goes unnoticed.) On a “good” day, my OCD consists of obsessively predicting the “middle” or “center” of things. Like when the edge of a curb will be exactly lined up in-between my front and back wheels of my car, or when I’ve eaten EXACTLY half of my sandwich. Basically, mentally, I divide everything in half. On a “bad” OCD day, my anxiety kicks in on top of it and I can’t be touched. At all. By anyone. Especially light and gentle touches. It literally makes me want to rip off my skin. I can feel every fold of clothing against my body, every wrinkle in the sheet at bedtime, every hair on my head brushing against my shoulders (I usually throw my hair in a ponytail on those days to avoid that sensation) and every little kiss or gentle touch from my kids or husband makes me want to scream. I can have tight hugs on those days, but pretty much anything else physically hurts. Why? Who knows. I try to “get over it” for the sake of my kids and husband, and usually, I can mask it pretty well by pinching my arm afterward to redirect the pain. I know it sounds crazy, but you only understand if you have it too. I also count things a LOT on bad days. Certain numbers are okay. The volume on the TV has to be even or a multiple of 5. I hate the number 7, even though it has a “center”. Ugh. I have to count things three times. I check that I have things 3 times when I leave the house (which I try not to do on bad days) and I click my teeth together from side to side obsessively. This is really embarrassing to write, haha but I am hoping that someone out there will realize they are not alone and that you can still have a “life” even when dealing with this. Thankfully I don’t struggle with this nearly as bad as some, but it’s still frustrating.

2.) I have a blanket “thing”. The cuddlier and snugglier, the better. I love to buy blankets. I have the hardest time NOT buying them. I will purposefully turn on a fan and make myself cold enough to have to use a blanket. Because I love them ๐Ÿ™‚

3.) I am terrified of hospitals. Maternity wards aren’t SO bad, but seriously. They give me ridiculous anxiety.

4.) I can handle ANYTHING the human body can put out, except vomit. Thankfully in our house, it’s Tim’s “job” to deal with that ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks love!!

5.) ย For a few years, I really wanted to be a dolphin trainer (pre-teen/teen) so I would go to the public library and devour every book I could about dolphins. I wanted to open up a place called “Dolphin World.”

6.) I know more about the human body than the average person because for awhile, I wanted to be a nurse. So I read and studied and read and studied.

7.) Sometimes my sense of humor is too complex and people actually think I’m stupid.

8.) I used to be SUPER co-dependentย on Tim. But I’m getting MUCH better about that now.

9.) Smiling and laughter is my emotional coping mechanism. When people tell me bad news, I usually smile or laugh. Not because I’m amused, but because I hate crying in front of people. Unless it’s on stage ๐Ÿ™‚

10.) I judge good music on its ability to give me goosebumps and/or make me cry.

11.) I used to only cry at one movie. “Little Fox and the Hound.” Since having kids, I’ve turned into a total sally and I cry at lots of movies. Ugh.

12.) Tim and I had always planned to get married, but the decision to do so, so soon after graduation was a whim.

13.) Lots of people think I’m super confident. But honestly, I live by the “fake it till you make it” mantra when it comes to confidence…and I haven’t “made it” yet.

14.) This is my favorite number ๐Ÿ™‚ I see some numbers in color… yeah, it’s a thing:ย http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Synesthesiaย the number 14, happens to be light pink to me ๐Ÿ™‚

15.) When I spell a word, I picture the word in my head and read the letters I “see.”

16.) My favorite instrument to listen to is the guitar, but my favorite instrument to play is the piano, even though I can play both.

17.) I hate the number seventeen, but I feel like I was the most beautiful I’ll ever be or have been at 17. Maybe because that’s the year I fell in love. Yeah, it’s sappy, but I like that explanation.

18.) I still write Tim love notes on lined paper and I still get butterflies when he writes me back.

19.) I still have a “crush” on Yul Brynner.

20.) Lastly, I love old war movies and TV shows. If it’s in black and white, even better ๐Ÿ™‚

Whew! Well, there’s that!

Till Next Time,

Ashley

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4 thoughts on “Getting Going Again

  1. Ashley – I have the same thing as you do! I also see numbers as colors. The number 14 is a medium shade of a forest green. Such a cool little thing ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. Hey Ash ~ Good for you for ‘Getting going again’! But I just have to say that that exquisite humor of yours has kept us rolling since you were first able to ‘try to entertain’ us! Don’t listen to that voice in your head that tells you that someone thinks it is stupid. You have a fabulous gift for bringing humor – don’t worry about where it comes from (ocd or whatever) it is perfectly wonderful…keep it coming! The more the better!

    BTW…I think more of us have a bit of OCD than one would think. My towels all hang perfectly evenly and my labels all face front! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Love you Baby!!

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