Oh my Lord. So I’ve decided to take on P90X. For those of you who don’t know what this is, Google it, but it’s basically an insane workout program that takes 90 days to complete and about 90 seconds to start feeling the burn. Maybe that’s just me though. Yesterday was Core Synergistics. Basically I was just doing a bunch of exercises and stretches to stregthen my core. I went into this thinking, “Eh my stomach is pretty flat and relatively firm, I can do lots of crunches, this won’t be that bad.” Oh boy was I wrong. Evidentally my “core” is about as firm as a waterbed that’s only halfway full. Ughhhh. Pain. Lots of pain. And today was Cardio X. I’ve never been great with Cardio, but it’s something I’ve always wanted to improve so I went into it guns blazing, head up and a smile on my face even though I knew it was going to be rough. I came out of it with sore guns, head dripping and downcast and a zombie look on my face.
The workout is an hour long of crazy intense cardio….I lasted about 45 minutes before I had to collapse onto the couch. I would have stayed in longer had Tim been home to catch me when I passed out, but he wasn’t and fainting when there’re no handsome gentleman to catch you is so un-fabulous. Not to mention, stupid. So I listened to my body (which incidentally had been screaming at me to sit down and stuff my face with fatty comfort in the form of anything pastry since yesterday) and I drank some water and relaxed. But hey, no pain- no gain, right? I am pretty sure I’ve already shed about 5lbs….of sweat. No seriously, my armpits have never looked slimmer! But tomorrow, I’m coming back for more and I’ll stay in it longer. I’m scared to check my schedule to see what workout the evil man on the DVD has for me then…
Speaking of that horrid man, why does he talk to me like I’m 5?? “Okay then, here’s what we’re gonna do, ya watchin? Huh? Ya watchin’? Cuz this is gonna ROCK YOUR WORLD!” Who on earth besides a 5 year old would get excited about this?? And not only does he talk to me this way, he asks me to do the weirdest nearly humanly impossible things. And yes, I talk back. It makes me feel a little better.
Workout Trainer “Hey! Are you ready for this one? Oooooh you’re gonna feel it!”
Me: “yay” *more than a hint of sarcasm here*
Trainer: “Okay, now I want you to get down on the floor in push-up position.”
Me: “can i do the girlie push-up position?”
Trainer: “And no girlie push-ups, you gotta be in plank position for this one.”
Me: “WHAT?! …darn.”
Trainer: “Okay, now we are gonna just run in place.”
Me: “Are we getting back up? This burns.”
Trainer: “You’re gonna stay on the ground in push up position and run your feet back and forth.” *demonstrates with ease*
Me: *tries, but falls on face after about 10 seconds (there are 50 more seconds to go…)* grimaces.
Trainer: “Awesome job!”
Me: “Did you not JUST see me fall on my face?”
Trainer: “Now we’re gonna take it a step further…”
Me: *sobs quietly*
Trainer: “Oooh this one is gonna be fun?”
Me: “ooh! really? 🙂 ”
Trainer: “You’re gonna lower yourself in push up position all the way down till your whole body is about 1 inch from the floor. Then you’re gonna run in place like you did before,……”
Me: “I thought you said this was gonna be fun! Shoulda known better than to take you seriously on that.”
Trainer: “…..but this time, turn your hips outward and bring your knees out and up toward your shoulders.”
Me: *mouth hangs open in horror and disbelief*
Trainer: “Here we go! And run! This is called the chaturanga run!” *flawless execution*
Me: *feels executed* (but tries anyway!!!!)
Trainer: “Chaturanga run, that’s it, it’s the chaturanga run.”
Me: “Chaturanga run??” *and falls on face again* “WHO RUNS LIKE THAT?!?! Darn Chaturangans…”
Trainer: “Wow! Wasn’t that just amazing? Wasn’t that fun? Don’t you feel it in your arms? Your hips? Your legs? Your buttocks?….”
Me: “….Your face? Geez Mister, you have a weird definition of ‘fun’….can I go now you big sadist?”
Oi vey. Well, I’m determined to keep up with this, so we’ll see what happens. I took a “before” picture yesterday, we’ll see what happens in a week when I take my next picture….
Till Next Time,