Dear Diary,

Well today is not as bad as I thought it was going to be…so far. I am doing quite well for only getting about 2 hours of sleep last night! Insomnia is SO not fabulous. And neither are those bags you get under your eyes the next day. Eww. I have a lot to get done today, I have laundry to do in prep for heading up the mountain tomorrow, spaghetti sauce to make, clothes and things to pack, cleaning to do so I don’t come home to a tornado aftermath in my house. You know, that’s one thing I HATE about traveling. I can never seem to get the hang of leaving a clean house so that I can come home to one. So this time, I’m cleaning as I go and trying to do more cleaning than packing. I’ll let you know how this works out. Also, tonight, I am going to attempt to make sushi for dinner. Not the raw fish kind. It will have chicken, veggies and cream cheese in it. YUM-O! (I hope.) I am having second thoughts about this though because I forgot you need nori (seaweed) or something like it and I have nothing in the house that will work. Maybe next week. Maybe I’ll just do chicken and rice. We’ll see. Then tonight, I am going to Carrie’s house until like 10pm and then I’ve got to go to Walmart and pick up a few last minute things before we leave bright and early in the morning. Oi vey. Right now, I’m taking a little break so I don’t go insane, haha.

Lately, Jadon’s had this “thing” about getting old. He is very against Tim and I getting old and he is worried we will lose all our hair. So every so often, he says, “Mom, I don’t want you to get old.” And I say, “Why not, Buddy?” and he says, “Because you will lose all your hair. I like you just the way you are and I want you to stay like this forever.” Ahhh…. don’t we all? haha. I reassure him that I will not likely lose all my hair and say that getting old is just a part of growing up and that Dad and I won’t be old for a long time. Usually he just mutters, “But I like you how you are NOW. I Don’t wanna get old. I will never get old. I don’t wanna lose my hair. I don’t wanna be old.”
So about a week or so ago, Jadon was staying up from his nap since he had been very well-behaved and asked me this question out of the blue, “Mommy, are you going to die?” I bit my tongue from saying something sarcastic like, “Well, not unless you know something I don’t!” I could tell he was troubled by this so I took him seriously and said gently, “Well Bud, everybody dies someday, but don’t worry, I don’t plan on dying for a really really long time.” Tears welled up in his eyes and he tried to keep his voice steady as he said, “But Mom, I don’t want you to die!” I laughed, trying to make light of the situation and pulled him in for a hug and said, “Hunny, by the time I die, you will be a very old man.” Whoops. Way to go, Ash. That did it, he turned around quietly and walked out of the room. I followed him trying to get him to tell me what was wrong. He just shook his head and was trying very hard to keep his composure. Finally, I got down and took him by the shoulders, “You know Bud, you can always tell me what you’re thinking, I’m your Mommy, it’s what I’m here for.” He took a deep breath and said, “But Mom, if you die, who will be My Girl?” I smiled and had a few tears of my own in my eyes and I gave him a big hug and said, “Well, I will always be your girl, no matter what.” Then he asked, “But then if you die, who will be my mom?” To which I replied, “I will always be your mommy! No matter what!” He seemed a little comforted by this so I gave him a big squeeze and said, “Okay Bud, we don’t need to think about dying anymore. Let’s think about happy things, like living and all the fun we get to have together for a long long time.” He wiped his eyes and nodded. Sweet boy. I felt so bad for him. I never expected him to know about death really until he was older. No one very close to him has died so it’s not like he’s had firsthand experience with it. He’s just an old soul I suppose. For the next few days he seemed a little more gloomy than usual and I felt bad for him. I didn’t know what to say to make him feel better. Enter, Dad.  One night, I was gone and Tim was watching the kids when Jadon asked again with teary eyes about his fate after my death. So Tim told him about Heaven. (DUH! Why didn’t I think of that??) After fielding a million questions about the size, location, toys therein etc., about heaven, Jadon came away not only convinced that death was not so bad afterall, but excited to go to heaven someday. Isn’t it just the best when Mommy misses something and Daddy comes in the remedy the situation?? I love that I have an amazing partner in crime like Tim. So now when Jadon talks about dying, he says, “Hey! When we die, we get to go to heaven!! It’s great there! There will be toys and it’s like Disneyland! and we’ll see GOD and Jesus!” Oh that we all would live with such enthusiasm for Heaven.


560. What is your least favorite body part? My intestines, they give me trouble sometimes… ugh.

561. Do you enjoy British comedy? Sure!

562. Are there ever happy endings or does nothing end? Depends on your definition of “end”

563. What is your worst trait? I can be rash.

564. Is the world more beautiful because of love? Only the pure kind of love.

565. What is the essence of you? Fun.

566. What really inspires you? Music and art and people.

567. Have you met your soul mate? I have found the one whom my soul loves 🙂

568. Is everyday a special occasion? It can be if you choose to see it that way.

569. What sound would you rather hear than any sound in the world? My babies.

570. Of the following which word best describes you:




quick thinking:

I would say, all of the above…. I am natural (no plastic parts haha), I am outgoing, I am polite and well versed in ettiquette (thanks to my mother 🙂  ) and I am quick-thinking…. usually in a sarcastic way, but quick-thinking  just the same.

Till Next Time!



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