A Person’s a Person, No Matter How Small.

Dear Diary,

So this last week has been a test of my patience, endurance and gag reflex. But it seems as though the kids are through the worst of it. Now I’m just wiping noses left and right trying to keep my kids from looking like crusty little street urchins. Today started off not great. I woke up sick. “But Ashley,” you say, “Weren’t you JUST sick?!” Why yes! Yes I was! But evidently, this virus liked me so much that it wanted another go-round. Luckily I think it was just a morning thing because now I am feeling a bit better and my day has accordingly gotten better too!

This morning I went out and pick up a free lamp! Score! Someone in town was redecorating and no longer needed this lamp, and had posted such on Craigslist. So I emailed them and DING DING DING! It was mine! 🙂 Here it is, enjoying it’s new home.

Awesome, right? I KNOW! Well, so then after that, we went to the store to get a few things for Jadon’s birthday party on Saturday. He is so excited to see everyone! Once we got home, I gave the kids lunch and went to turn on a movie for them and thought, “I wanna watch a Christmas movie!” It’s October, right? Besides, I’m the Mom, so when I wanna watch a Christmas movie, I can 🙂 So we picked The Grinch Who Stole Christmas and turned it on. My mom had bought this DVD for us a few years ago and it also has the old version of “Horton Hears a Who.” Last year when we began watching this, I (about 6 weeks pregnant) got inspired to draw a “pregnancy announcement” of sorts for my mom. So I drew Tim, Jadon, Lilly and myself as elephants with me holding a pink poufy little flower with a little “speck” (Matthew) on it and the words, “A person’s a person, no matter how small.” My mom loved it and put it in a picture frame on the wall where a real picture of Matthew would go eventually. I love my babies and I am glad and thankful for each of them. About 2 months after Tim and I got married, I went to my long time family doctor suspecting that I was expecting and brought my mom with me because Tim was at work and I was nervous. I saw a nurse practitioner that day who frowned at me when I told her why I was there. She said, “Oh hunny you don’t want a baby right now, you have your whole life ahead of you to have babies.” Of course we were not planning to get pregnant so fast, I was even on the pill. At once, I remember putting my hand over my stomach protectively. I knew there was a little baby in there and I didn’t want it gone. I failed the urine test in the office, and at my insistence, she gave me paperwork to go to a lab to get my blood drawn. The lab tech who asked me why I was there even told me, “Yeah, you’re not pregnant hun.” As he was taking my blood. I remained unconvinced of what the doctors were telling me and said, “Well, we’ll see when the test comes back.” I twiddled my thumbs all day at home waiting for a phone call and finally in the late afternoon, a call came. It was that nurse practitioner whom I had seen earlier that day. In a sad sorrowful tone, she relayed the news, “Well, you’re pregnant.” I was standing in my bathroom looking in the mirror and the look on my face was so happy. I said, “Great!” There was a pause on the other end of the phone, followed by, “Well, what do you want to do about it?” My jaw dropped.  I told her I wanted to keep my baby, again putting my hand over my tummy. The rest of the conversation was a blur. I felt like the only one who was fighting for this little life inside me. Thankfully I was not alone for long. I called Tim and told him the news. He was in shock, but happy. My family was all very supportive and excited for us. The rest of the world seemed cold and unfeeling towards this little baby in my tummy. Even after Jadon was born and we decided to try for baby #2, a close friend and mentor of mine asked, “WHY?! Why would you do that?!?!” When I told her we were trying for another one. Why did the whole world seem to think that my babies were not welcome? They were not ruining my life. Yes, I know I am a young mom and I know that not every woman is cut out to be a mother so young or to be a mother at all. As I’m sure you can tell, I am staunchly and unwaveringly pro-life. And to those who are not? Who died and made you God to decide who should live and who should die? That’s all.

Q&A!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

362. Do you believe that spell casting can work? On some people yes. On me? No 🙂 Just one of the many perks of being a child of God.

363. Are you a fan of The Legend of Zelda games? No.

364. What old movie would you go see if it were re-released in the movie theaters? Pretty much anything pre-1965.

365. Is there a celebrity that you would be too starstruck to talk to if you met them? Nope, not much can stop me from talking 🙂

366. Have you ever left a mean unsigned note? I’m sure I have, but I can’t remember who for or why.

367. Do you think it’s cheesy to paste things you didn’t write into your diary? No 🙂

368. What are three things that you try not to think about? The time, place and manner of Tim’s death.

369. Is casual sex acceptable for you? For me? Only if it’s with Tim!

370. What form of sexual protection do you use? the effective kind, now that we are not planning to have more kids 🙂

371. What is expected of you that you feel is unnatural or not right? Cleaning up diarrhea off the carpet.

372. Do you sometimes place your own expectations on other people? Depends

373. Do you sometimes act overeager to make friends when you are around strangers? No way, looking desperate is SO not fabulous.

374. Do you take everything that is said literally? Nope.

375. Do you take most things others say seriously? depends on the person.

376. Do you have a quick wit? Most of the time. There are times when my dad can render me speechless for a minute or two, but that doesn’t happen often 🙂

377. Do you believe in the need for political correctness? No, I think people should just be considerate.

378. Do you have strong opinions and beliefs? Yes!

379. If yes, can you still hang out with and be friends with people who disagree with you? Yes.

380. Are you uptight? About certain things like earwax, yes.

381. Do you sometimes do risky things? Yep! Sometimes just waking up in the morning is risky 🙂 haha

Till Next Time!

Ashley

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