I Will Be a Fool For You…

Dear Diary,

So in the course of being a mother, I have done many many stupid things. Everything from sleeping through a feeding, to forgetting to change a diaper before leaving the house only to find the poor child with soaked clothes later, to letting my kids jump off the couch while I lay on the floor taking epic photos of them.

**No children were harmed in the taking of this photo 🙂 **

But most of the stupid things I do as a mom are attempts to make my kids laugh. You can never laugh too much, as and a great comedienne once said, “What can I do to make you people laugh?!” (that was me by the way, age 2) All my life, I’ve been making people laugh. Whether it’s on purpose by telling a story in a funny, odd way or being clumsy, or making faces or witty comments…I do it all. I love the sound of laughter. I know how good it feels to laugh, the rush of endorphins. I love the moment when I am laughing at something, where I feel I am transported from reality and I forget that there are bills to be paid, a house to be cleaned, homework to get done and well, unpleasant things to do in general. I enjoy giving other people that feeling when I make them laugh. I hope this blog does that sometimes- makes you forget your problems if only for a moment and just enjoy being alive. Needless to say, I live to laugh and laugh I do. I also love more than almost any sound in the whole world, my kids laughter. There is just something that gets me about my kids giggling that literally turns me into the biggest fool. I will do anything to hear it. I can’t hear it enough! Of course, I realize society is not built for constant round the clock laughter and so I teach my kids the whole, “there’s a time and place for this” lesson, but in general, we laugh all the time. Sometimes my kids say, “Mommy! Chase me like a dinosaur!” So what do I do? I squat slightly with my arms bent at the elbow, I put out my first three fingers for claws and I lumber around the house growling and pausing occasionally to lift my head to the sky and give a good, loud T-Rex rawr. Although I make sure to close the front window shades so my neighbors don’t see, I don’t know how they can’t help but hear…maybe that’s why our neighbors on one side moved and I never see the ones on the other side…huh. Anyway, they (the kids, not my neighbors) scream with delight and run away laughing. Or they turn on me and attack me. Most recently, there’s been a song that Jadon asks to listen to by saying, “Mommy, please can we listen to that song where you make me laugh?” How do you say “no” to such a request? The song he is referring to, is “Ring of Fire” by Johnny Cash. Not a particularly funny song,…but then again, you’ve never heard Tim or I sing it. It all started the other night, we were coming home late from my folk’s house and Tim and I had the iPod on shuffle and were playing the game where you try to be the first to guess the song that comes up without looking at the song info. “Ring of Fire” came on and we decided to go ahead and listen to it all the way through since it’d been awhile since we’d heard it. Somehow, when singing along with Johnny Cash, I cannot help but sing like him. For some reason, it just doesn’t sound right to use a “normal” singing voice, so I put on my best Johnny Cash impression and belt away! So does Tim. So we began singing this way and from the backseat came this surprised chuckle. So we kept on singing that way and the chuckle became a giggle. I being over-emphasizing certain words for dramatic effect, “I fell IN to a burning ring of FIRE, I went down down DOWN, and the flames went HIGHER…” I was singing with all the gusto I could muster and that took the giggle up to a roar of laughter. Jadon was doubled over, tears streaming down his cheeks laughing so hard. Tim and I laughed to each other and kept right on singing. Lilly wanted in on the fun and began laughing too. Although I don’t really think she knew why…oh well. We laughed and sang the song all the way through and when the song ended, Jadon said, “Again!” So naturally, we did it again. Yes, it was just as fun the second time around. Today in the car, Jadon asked for the song again and I was feeling so stressed out ( we were late for a doctor’s appointment) that I felt a “No” rising to the surface, when I thought,…”We could all use a good laugh, why not?” So I gave my best Johnny Cash impression and Jadon responded with the hysterical laughter. I am sure I looked outrageous to anyone who happened to see me driving along with a solemn expression on my face, and singing at the top of my lungs. Ahh the stupid things I do to make my kids laugh.

Well, Jadon and Lilly caught a virus somewhere along the way and have been sick with it the last couple of days and now that they seem to be improving, Tim and I began feeling icky this evening. No fun. I am hoping that all the lysol I’ve been using has been effective in keeping the virus isolated. We’ll see. This morning started way earlier than I wanted it to and very much in a way I did not want it to. I awoke at 6:45am to the sound of Lilly crying. I got up to go see what was wrong and the smell hit me about halfway down the hall. Luckily, this time it was not vomit, but the other side effect of a stomach virus. She had messed her sheets, poor girl and needed a diaper change. It being 6:45 in the morning, I had not the wherewithal to think of taking her into bathroom over TILE to change her and instead went to change her on the carpet. WHY ASHLEY?! WHY?!?!?! Well, I am sure you can guess what happened and the mess on the carpet that followed. I groaned and finished changing her diaper and then went downstairs to get supplies to clean up the mess which by now smelled absolutely awful. I returned with a roll of paper towels, a trash bag, a squirt bottle and my old friend, “LOC”. That stuff is amazing for getting stains out of carpets. I worked for about 10 minutes before the smell became so heavy, I had to open a window. “Luckily, it’s a nice cool morning and it’s just rained, so it’ll be so nice and fresh!” I thought to myself as I slid the window open. I sat back down and with my next breath came the scent of not only the stuff I was cleaning off the carpet, but wet cow manure as well. Seriously?? I turned on the fan for better circulation and tried breathing just through my mouth. Yeah, I can’t do that. Tim likes to take advantage of that fact and come up behind me and plug my nose and watch me writhe and sputter and gasp before I remember how to breathe through my mouth. Ha. Ha. Hunny. Seriously though, I can’t even snorkel. I am convinced I nearly drowned in about 2 feet of water in Hawaii because I couldn’t breath through JUST my mouth. “Why didn’t you just stand up then?” You may ask? Because they tell you DON’T STAND UP! WHATEVER YOU DO! YOU WILL WRECK MOTHER NATURE FOREVER AND AN ENTIRE ECOSYSTEM WILL… DIE!!!!! So what, I just drown then? Sheesh. I don’t think so. I stood up. And then squatted back down so I looked like wasn’t standing. (sorry dead ecosystem) But I hate fish anyway, so I went back to shore and sat on the beach with my mom and got a terrible sunburn which was terrible because I had to sit on a plane with seats covered in what felt like sand paper the next day. But I digress…. Back to my house…. For the next hour, I scrubbed that carpet and finally got every last bit of stain out. I stood back very proud and very tired. And also somewhat cranky that it was now about 8am and time to get going with the day. Then I thought about how many more times I was going to have to clean nasty horrible disgusting things up out of carpet before the kids are out of the house and a little part inside me died. Then I remembered, “Wait, these kids reproduce! I will have grandkids someday!” Another little part…dead. I supposed the tradeoff is worth it though *wink* wink*

Till Next Time, (and no, I didn’t forget the Q&A portion, I just don’t feel like doing it this time)

Ashley

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