The Rest Is Still Unwritten…

Dear Diary,

Last night I went to dinner for my birthday with my sisters-in-law Katy and Brittany! We had a lot of fun:) It’s so nice getting together with them and talking about kids, houses, jobs, husbands and to know that we are all (pretty much) on the same page and often in the same boat.

I started feeling super ill last night before bed and continued to feel sick all night long until Tim left for work and then I started to feel a little better…till the contractions hit:( So frustrating! Luckily they only lasted for about an hour or so every 6-7 minutes and then I was having Braxton Hicks for awhile. So instead of getting stuff done today like I needed to/planned, I’ve got to take it super easy as much as I can and sit. Lame sauce. I am just trying to stay positive and really cherish these kicks and punches because I only have 2 more months to enjoy them and then never feel them again. It’s a weird  feeling being “done” having kids. Very bittersweet. On one hand, it’s a relief to leave this stretching, uncomfortable phase behind me and think “I never have to deal with morning sickness again!” It’ll be nice not to have to worry about what clothes to wear based on if I’ll be able to squeeze my belly into it. It’ll be nice to leave behind the intense heartburn! But on the other hand, I don’t get to experience the first little kicks again. I don’t get to feel all magical because I am “growing” a tiny human inside me. I don’t have any more excuses to eat whatever I want when I want to:) I don’t get to get all excited for ultrasounds and finding out whether it’s a girl or boy. I don’t get to pick out names. I don’t get to daydream about this tiny little Baby inside me. I don’t get to feel the rush of having that baby finally laid on my chest for the first time. From now on, I will get to experience some of this vicariously through my sisters and then much much later, my own kids. But it won’t be the same because it will be their babies, not mine. I am not the hugest fan of change that I cannot control or cause. I cry a little inside everytime I look at my babies getting so big and think that one day soon, Jadon will be taller than me and find a girl that he will love more than me:( That makes me cry more than anything I think. I see how MUCH he loves me and cannot imagine not being the #1 lady in his life anymore. But in the meantime, it’s my (and Tim’s)  job to turn him into the best, most loving, gentle, and Godly man he can be and prepare him for this special girl. No matter how jealous I may be of her. It hurts sometimes to think about my little Baby girl Lilly who still loves to suck her thumb on occasion and snuggle in a blanket whenever possible, will one day be too big for me to swaddle her up in a blanket and carry her around like she likes. I pray daily for all my kids that we will all have an amazing relationship through all the stages of their lives. During the easier times and the really tough times. I pray for the wisdom to know when to show the tough love and when to show them compassion. Having babies really is like having a piece of yourself walking around living and breathing. It’s the scariest but most wonderful experience I can think of.  And the adventure is JUST getting started! YAY!!! I can’t wait for all the vacations, trips, school stuff, sports, ballet etc. “Today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten!” Hooray for mommyhood!

Some questions:

101.) What does happiness/joy feel like physically? butterflies:)

102.) List 5 people you love starting with the one you love the absolute most: Tim, my kids, my parents, my sisters and in-laws, my grandparents.

103. How many movies have you gone to see this month? None! haha I can’t sit that long lol

104. If you could have 3 wishes…but none of them could be for yourself, what would you wish for? I would wish my kids would have a great relationship with Christ, I would wish my family would all be healthy and prosperous, and I would wish the boys in the Orphanage in Haiti would all be able to come to the US and find awesome families.

105. In what ways do you relax and de-stress when you are really tense? I blog, I sing, I sleep, I take bubble baths, I go somewhere with my husband, or I TALK! haha

106. How much money would it take to get you to drive to school naked in the springtime and get out of the car? A lot…does it have to be a weekday when school’s in session? haha

107. Have you ever killed an animal? Not on purpose, unless bugs count.

108. Have you ever lost someone close to you? Yes

109. What do you think of cloning? I don’t really understand all of the science behind it, so my opinion on it isn’t really formed.

110. Do you read or watch TV more often? Probably an even amount of both. My kids love to read and since I am confined to the couch, we watch a lot of movies.

Till Next Time!

Ashley

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