“It Is Finished!”

Dear Diary,

Poor Lilly got sick yesterday:( Woke up with a fever of 101.1, kinda out of the blue! I was so bummed, as were the kids, because we were supposed to go to the splash pad at the park today with my friend Jennifer and her kids, but had to back out since we didn’t want to take the chance of getting them sick:( Well, we definately aren’t going to have a shortage of hot days perfect for the splash pad ahead, so we are gonna go next week. Lilly seems to be feeling better today, but she still has a runny nose. Gross. I hate runny noses haha. I felt kind of bad when her nose was really runny yesterday, all she wanted to do was snuggle and I kept getting stuff from her runny nose on my arms or shirt and I was trying not to gag. Haha. I don’t know why it grosses me out so much, I have a really strong stomach! I’m just glad she seems to be getting better today, although she is SUPER cranky today:/ That is not much fun, let me tell you. Whenever she gets annoyed at her brother she lets out this noise that reminds me of a velociraptor or something. We are working on that haha.

Last night I was having these crazy contractions that were intense and coming every 8 minutes or so for a few hours, came pretty close to going in to L&D, but then they started to taper off, so I stayed home. Then when it was time for sleep, I started have some really painful Braxton Hicks contractions that kept me awake till almost 3am! Lame sauce. Thankfully, the kids let me sleep in a bit this morning:)

So those of you who know me, know that I love love LOVE free stuff:) I am a “freecycler.” I take various things that people would throw away, or put out of their curb and repaint or recover or simply clean it, and then voile! New stuff! I’ll have to post an entry with photos of the stuff in my house that I’ve gotten for free/really cheap and redone to make it work:) Well, yesterday, someone was giving away a project wooden dining room table and 4 chairs. I figured, “I can paint this up, weather-proof it and stick in on our back porch!” The measurements included sounded like it’d fit perfectly in the back of my car, so I asked Tim if he would be willing to go pick it up for me. Tim graciously agreed and off he went to go pick up the set. The set was about 35 minutes away, so I figured it’d take him about an hour and 15-20 minutes or so round-trip. He left at 8pm. Well, 2 hours later, I still hadn’t heard from him, so I texted him and got no response. Then I called him and he didn’t pick up. By that time, my mind was racing about all the things that could be wrong. I get really freaked out when I don’t hear from Tim and it (of course) is way worse when I’m pregnant. So I tried his phone again and he picked up *WHEW!* I was still really worried about him, so I asked urgently, “Where are you?” He said he was still at the house picking up the set and I was suprised and it came out as accusing in my tone when I asked, “Why?”  He then explained to me that the table wouldn’t fit as is into the car so he had to take it apart which took some time. I felt so bad. “Um, thank you hunny.” I said in a mousy voice. I could tell he was tired and a bit annoyed. Well, he got home and unloaded the table and chairs into the garage and went straight to the office. By this time it was about 10:30pm. I figured he was just looking at a few things so I went in and apologized for the trouble in picking up the table. He sounded tired and said, “it’s okay, Baby.” I just stood there for a minute. Do you ever have those awkward moments right after you apologize, but you just stand there after because it seems weird to leave, but you don’t really know what else to say so…you just stand there. The he said, “What’s up?” I shifted a bit and said, “nothing.” Hoping he would ask me to come sit on his lap or something so I knew it was all okay, but he said, “Well, I’ve got a test to take here and it’s timed, so..” I literally felt 2 inches tall as I left the room. My husband loves me so much, he was willing to stay up extra late to take a test he needed to take so he could go pick up my free stuff. And he never said a word to me about how he was busy and didn’t have time. He saw how excited I was about it and put my wants first. I crawled into bed and waited for him to finish his test. He finally came in at 11:30pm and looked beat. He climbed into bed and I apologized again and told him had I known he had a test to take, I’d never have asked him to go out. He said it was okay. I still felt horrible. Then he asked if I wanted to come snuggle with him. This is how I know things are really okay, so I scooted over and put my head on his chest and hugged him. He felt strong and protective and wise and I still felt like a stupid little selfish kid. He fell asleep instantly and I lay awake for a bit mentally beating myself up over the whole stupid thing. Then all of the sudden, it hit me, why was I beating myself up for this? He said, “It’s okay.” and he had wanted to snuggle with me. In his mind, the matter was resolved, whereas I was still punishing myself. My thoughts drifted to how I do that with God sometimes. When I mess up and then ask for forgiveness from God, He forgives me! The matter is closed, resolved…”It is finished.” And yet sometimes I still find myself trying to punish myself and do “penance” or find some way to justify myself. Jesus died for my justification, if I try to justify myself, why then did Jesus die? My relying on my own abilities to make myself “right with God”, I am basically saying that Jesus’ death was null, void and pointless. Wow. Interesting food for thought. I fell asleep for about 30 minutes after that before the contractions started:(

Time for some “get to know me” questions!

68. Where is the most fun place you have EVER been? On my honeymoon in Seattle:)

69. Is your hair natural or dyed? Dyed

70. Do you have any deep dark secrets or are you pretty much up front? I am pretty much upfront! Don’t really have anything to hide.

71. What is under your bed right now? Nada

72. If you were in the Land of Oz would you want to live there or go home? I live in my own version of The Land of Oz haha.

73. If you drive do you frequently speed? Eh if you consider going 5 miles over the Speed Suggestion (oops! I mean Speed Limit)  speeding, than yes.

74. What is the world’s best song to dance to? Wow, I have no idea! I dance to every song haha!

75. What song was on the last time you danced with someone? The theme song to “Clifford” about 30 minutes ago, hahaha

76. Do you prefer Disney or Warner Brothers? Disney!

77. What is the first animal you would run to see if you went to the zoo? Well, the Tucson Zoo is my favorite, so I am used to looking at the tigers first because it’s the first exhibit I’ve always gone to….TRADITION!!!!!

78. Would you consider yourself to be romantic? I try to be romantic:)

79. If the earth stopped rotating would we all fly off? Likely

80. What is the one thing that you love to do so much that you would make sacrifices to be able to do it? There are a number of things…I am a pretty passionate person so I love a lot of things, but the thing I love most and would sacrifice the most for would be to be with my husband and kids:)

Till Next Time!



One thought on ““It Is Finished!”

  1. Wow, Ash! That was powerful. What an amazing picture of the Lord’s graciousness to us and how we need to have the faith to accept it! Awesome!

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