Plague of Flies

Dear Diary,

Evidently, it’s the cool thing to do to be jobless and ride around your neighborhood during the mid-afternoon in a low-rider “bumpin’ your bass” and making an obnoxious racket. Guess I missed the “cool factor memo” on this one. It’s so irritating though because it’s right when Jadon and Lilly are trying to fall asleep so it makes it harder for them to do so:( It really is very tempting to go all “redneck” on them and run down the street barefoot and pregnant with my hair all a-muck in an old t-shirt, wielding a broom and spatula of some sort while telling them to get a job or go home! As my friend David so eloquently put it, “Those garsh darn kids and their rap music!” Haha. Can you picture this? I can. I had a conversation via Facebook today with some friends of mine from highschool about how quickly times change and how we were never socially obnoxious like that when we were young…right. Haha, it does seem that way though. I have this tendency to be somewhat judgemental (which you probably know if you read my original “confessions” post) and I notice myself doing it to younger kids. I say and think things like, “I would never have worn THAT out of the house…” or  “Man, these kids get shorter every year!” (which I am convinced honestly that they do) or “Had I ever spoken to my parents that way, I would have been grounded for life!” I have been out of highschool for only 5 years and already I am an old fogey:) Tim and I laugh a lot about this especially when we are people watching on date night. We *tsk*tsk* at highschool students for all kinds of reasons and say, “When we were that age, we never did that!” or “When our kids are that age, we will never let them do that.” Why do we feel so old? I can’t really say. I always thought it was because I squeezed about 10 years worth of life into about 5 with marriage, school and 2 (almost 3) kids, house, the dog, jobs, etc. But evidently, that has little bearing on it because my friends who have no spouse or kids feel the same! Wild. Forget the whole “You become your parents” thing…I feel like I’ve become my great-great-grandmother! I really reallly hope I am not a crochety old lady ever, but certainly not before it’s socially acceptable:)

So today I went to WalMart to get a few things and got this awesome parking space right towards the front of the store! I went in, did my shopping and came back out to my conveiently parked car. As I pulled the cart up next to it, I heard an annoying buzzing sound. I looked up and realized we were standing in a swarm of flies! BLECH! So my quick and smart thinking kicked in (insert sarcasm here) and I decided the best course of action was to open the door to my car and put the kids in anyway. Why this made sense, I’ll never know. What did I think that all of the sudden I would be able to move at lightning speed? I haven’t moved anywhere close to that in about 3 months! Well, anyway, I put the kids into the car, randomly swatting at flies and hitting Jadon in the face once (oops!) to which he said, “That’s not very nice, Mommy.” Still trying to make a valient effort to “hurry”, i threw my purse into the front seat and shut my door…………. “Buzzzzz” I hate things that fly so I shut my eyes tight and gripped the steering wheel. Yeah, that showed em. Then I figured I needed to get rid of these things before I drove to avoid an accident, so I rolled down my window and began shooing. There were about 3 or 4 flies in the car, 1 or 2 of which seemed to think it was funny to almost fly out and then turn around and attack my face. (I say attack because that is what they indeed were doing, I just know it.) Luckily no one was around to witness this which probably looked like a seizure and I got all the flies out. I rolled my window back up and put my hands on the steering wheel once again and let out a deep breath. Then out of the corner of my eye, I saw a bunch of tiny little things flying around and at this point I was no longer freaked out, but mad! How dare those flies enter my shiny new car and put their poo-covered legs on it and on me?! I swatted furiously (notice I have forgotton to open the window again) and the more I swatted, the more of these flying things I noticed! All the sudden I stopped and looked around and realized I had just been swatting at the light refractions from my wedding rings. My heartrate sounded like techno music, my hair had become loosened from the little bun it had been in and to top it off, two guys were standing in front of my car with concerned looks on their faces. As soon as I made eye contact with them they acted like they were still putting groceries into their car. I blew my bangs out of my eyes, and got out of there. Meanwhile, Jadon’s in the back seat, “Are you okay, Mommy? There’s a fly back here.” Ahhh…my life. Love it.

Question time!

56. How do you feel when you see a rainbow? I feel happy at first because I think, “How beautiful!” and then I hear Jadon and Lilly going, “A RAINBOW! A RAINBOW! A RAINBOW! A RAINBOW! A RAINBOW!” and then a slew of incoherant questions that follow makes me a tense inside- haha

57. Have you ever dreamt a dream that came true? Hmm…doubtful. I have really wild crazy dreams!

58. Have you ever been to a psychic/tarot reader? No, but I am conviced my parents were psychic to some degree when I was little, I couldn’t get away with much because somehow they knew… (Twilight Zone music playing here)

59. What is your idea of paradise? Anywhere with Tim:)

60. Do you believe in god and if so what is he/she/it like? I definately believe in God. He is amazing!

61. Do you believe in Hell? Yes I do, it’s called “Summer” in Phoenix…I also believe there is a real hell

62. What one thing have you done that most people haven’t? I’d like to think that most people haven’t gotten married, had 3 kids and bought a house all by the time they are 23:) hehe

63. What is the kindest thing you have ever done? I like to think of myself as a “kind” person in general, but I don’t wanna talk about the things I’ve done, that’s best talked about by someone else and ever better by no one at all:)

64. Are you a patient person? I am working on that:)

65. What holiday should exist but doesn’t? National Take A Week Off Work For No Reason Week:)

66. What holiday shouldn’t exist but does? Valentines Day…here’s why: If you truly love someone, you don’t need a holiday with all the pressure and hype to remind you to show it. In other words everyday should be like Valentine’s day. Also, it makes for awkward middle school situations, it reminds single people that they are single when they don’t want to be reminded, and it’s sad to watch couples who aren’t really in love “fake it” on V-Day.

67. What’s the best joke you ever heard? “Change you can believe in” -Barak Hussein Obama.

Alrighty then, I gotta go marinade some beef for stir fry tonight! Yummy!

Till Next Time,

Ashley

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