I Ain’t Feelin’ So Good…

Dear Diary,

I am kinda freaked out, I woke up this morning feeling super yucky. The same way I felt right as I started going into labor with Lilly. I am hoping my tummy is just off today and that’s all. My mom says to take it easy today and I think she’s probably right. I hate being “sick” and “down” because I feel like I let the kids down. They get super dissapointed when I can’t play with them. I hope they don’t come to resent the new Baby at all. I know Jadon knows that’s the reason I feel sick or am in pain a lot. Both kids are still so excited though, there was a new baby on TV yesterday again and both the kids were running around squealing about how cute the baby was and how “we’re getting a baby!”

There’s this show on TV that the kids watch in the morning called, “Sid the Science Kid” and I’ve gotta admit, I hate that show. It’s just plain annoying! But crazy enough, the kids actually learn a LOT from the show,…so…I let them watch it. Some kids TV shows are so obnoxious, you know?

Poor Charlie was coughing last night, like a dry hacking cough as though he had a hairball. I was worried about him, but he seems fine this morning, no more coughing:) I’ve gotta go get his rabies shots and license renewed soon…hmmm add that to my ever growing list of “to-dos”! Also on this list is sorting through all of Baby’s stuff that has accumulated in the guest bedroom downstairs and organizing and putting it away. I keep putting this off because I feel like if I do it, I’m giving my body permission to go into labor which I really don’t wanna do just yet:( My sister-in-law Katy is getting closer and closer to her due date! (May 31st) I went to hang out with her last night for coffee and a muffin and helped her and James finish up baby shopping. I got to see Riley’s room last night too and it’s adorable. Made me so much more excited for my own little bundle of joy to get here:) She invited me to join her “Mom’s Group” when it starts again in the fall and I must say I am very tempted to do so especially since they offer childcare! It’s on Thursday mornings though and I have school Thursday nights and wouldn’t want to drive up and back from our house twice in one day, so I’ve gotta think of something to do all afternoon (during naptime) that would keep me in town haha. Of course if I wind up not taking classes next semester, it’ll work out perfectly! I would love to continue school next semester, but Baby will only be 4-5 weeks old (if born on or after my due date) and I’m not sure I’ll be ready to leave Baby 3 nights a week:( Plus Tim will be in school too and I don’t want to creat extra work for him…hmmm…well, I can always stay enrolled until the week of school and if I don’t feel like Baby and I are ready for it, I can drop the classes and sign up again the following semester.

Well anyway, I’m gonna answer a few more questions:

16. How is your relationship with your parents? I have a good relationship with my parents. Getting married and becoming an adult has definately thrown some curveballs and created a few bumps in the road, but since we have a good foundation, our relationship has been great!

17. Do you tend to be aware of what is going on around you? Haha it really depends. I have the ability to turn that off when I want to, but generally, yes, I am VERY aware of what’s going on around me. Almost to the point where it get’s exhausting. For example, if I’m at a party or place where there are lots of people and a few different conversations going on at the same time, I can usually tell you what each “group” is talking about because I simultaneously listen and process them all at once. So if you start talkin’ bad about me within earshot, I’ll know;) hahaha.

18. What is the truest thing that you know? That there is a God who loves us.

19. What did you want to be when you grew up? Oh wow, there is not room enough for all that! Haha I’ve wanted to be everything from a dolphin trainer, to an occupational therapist, to an actress, to a nurse…mostly now I’m still waiting on a call from Hollywood while I am in school to get a degree:)

20. Have you ever been given a second chance? Many times! (To those who have given them to me, Thank you!)

21. Are you more of a giver or a taker? Definately more of a giver.

22. Do you make your decisions with an open heart/mind? No, sadly I think sometimes I do not consider all the facts, viewpoints etc when it comes to making decisions, but I am working on that and I think I’ve gotten better!

23. What is the most physically painful thing that has ever happened to you? Contractions:) hehe

24. What is the most emotionally painful thing that has ever happened to you? Well, there are 2: The first would be watching my daughter hooked up to tubes and on oxygen in the NICU for a week after she was born and having to leave the hospital and be wheeled out to our car empty-handed with no baby when she couldn’t come home right away:( The second thing would be seeing the amount of pain Tim was in before and right after his surgery in November for the pneumothorax. I fell more in love with him though seeing what a strong man he was:)

25. Who have you hugged today? My favorite people! Tim and the kids! With the exception of the one with the feet lodged in my ribs, but I sent Baby some love:)

Well diary, that’s all I’ve got for today:)

Till Next Time,

Ashley

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