Stop This Train!

Dear Diary,

Well, the Campbell’s Cheesy Chicken and Rice Casserole turned out AWESOME! AH! I was so excited:) Another very easy very delish dish for dinner- woohoo! Happy Mommy!

Sometimes I feel like the lyrics to the song by John Mayer, “Stop this train, I wanna get off and go home again. I can’t take the speed it’s moving in…”  I feel like life is going fast and I am hanging on for dear life, my knuckles white and my breath panicked. But it’s all about perspective and how you choose to view life.

Woke up this morning in a determined mood. I had lots to get  done this morning! Had to get the kids up, dressed, fed and out the door by 9:15am to go to Lilly’s doctor’s appointment. We made it on time and I felt very happy with myself. I HATE being late, it’s a pet peeve of mine so I do a celebratory dance (usually it’s just on the inside) whenever I am on time for something. Lilly’s doctor’s appointment went pretty well! Dr. Jones was very happy with her height and weight and said she’s the best he has seen in that aspect since she was born. Very good!:) Then he had to examine her and you would have thought by the way she started screaming that he was coming at her with a chainsaw to ampuate her arm or something. I was so embarrassed and then of course Jadon had to be right underfoot to see what Dr. Jones was doing to make his sister scream. That part was not fun. How do you all keep your little ones calm?! Jadon never really had issues getting “checked out” when he was that age because sadly he was used to it from all the hospital and doctor visits he had with the asthma, so he’s an old pro. Lilly on the other hand is pretty friendly unless they try to touch her, then it’s like the sky is falling:( Poor thing. Then on top of that she had to have shots. She screamed thru the shots, but afterwards calmed down really fast which I was grateful for. Of course the lollipop from the nurse helped a bit I think. She looked like such a big kid sitting there sucking on her lollipop afterward. I cannot believe only 3 more months till she is 2! Then we got Lilly dressed and we all donned our sunglasses and left. Everyone was looking at us when we left the waiting room because we looked so cool in our stunner shades:) hehe. Then it was off to the mall to grab lunch with my dad who we hadn’t seen in awhile! That was nice to catch up with him a bit and eat some lunch:) Tim and I love taking the kids to the food court in the mall because it is loud and our kids talk a LOT and so we don’t feel as bad like we are disturbing everyone else in there because it’s so loud. Whenever we go out to eat, we try to pick loud places haha I am sure the other moms out there can identify. I had taken Jadon to the bathroom before we ate lunch, but after lunch WHILE we were in line at the drive-thru at the bank, I hear my least favorite “in-the-car” phrase… “Moooooommmmmyyyy, I hafta go pottyyyyy.” I groaned and put the car in reverse and drove around to the front of the bank so we could go in. Secretly I think Jadon just likes going to the bathroom in public places, so he’ll ask to go every chance he gets. So we went in and used the bathroom, took care of the bank stuff and then left. I was actually grateful because I needed to change Lilly’s diaper anyway so it all worked out. Then we still had to go to the Post Office to mail something “next day delivery” for Tim. If there is any place I dislike going, it’s the PO. If there is anyplace I really dislike going with kids, it’s definately the post office. But it had to be done, so off we went. I just bought Jadon and Lilly new summer shoes. Lilly has these adorable sandals and Jadon has flippy floppies. Of course I bought them a tad big so that they will fit all summer long. Well that is pretty sound logic, but if they are sandals, they will fall off….a lot….at inconvient times. I think we had to stop 3 times between the car and the door to the post office. We had only parked about 20 feet from the entrance. We stopped twice for Jadon because his flippy floppies kept going sideways and once for Lilly when her sandal just came off. We went inside and of course, there was the dreaded line. About 6 people already in line. “This should be….fun.” I thought to myself as I stepped in line. Jadon stood right by my side like an angel as I held Lilly who cuddled against me. “Ahhh yes,” I thought, “My kids are just perfect.” This bliss lasted all of 30 seconds before Jadon went into “touchy grabby gabby experiment-ey question-ey fidgity” mode. The line had not even budged yet. So I calmly and sweetly said, “Jadon, please come stand over by me and be still.” He hopped over to me and stood still. I breathed a sigh of relief and looked toward the front of the line, we were one person closer! I looked down, no Jadon. He wandered a few feet away to look at something and was touching it. “Jadon,” I said and he turned around and looked at me. You know that look that your kids get, that fiendish gleam in their eyes where you know you’re gonna have to to go from “calm sweet mommy” to “I mean buisness Mama”. Well, he had it so I gave him “the look” and told him to get back over with me. He hung his head in protest and I heard a snicker behind me which unfortunately he heard too and shot the lady behind me a “heehee aren’t I HILARIOUS?!” grin. After answering Jadon what felt like 100 questions about everything in our surroundings and repositioning Lilly on my hip about a dozen or so times, we were next in line. My feet were starting to swell (thanks, pregnancy fairy)  Then I heard it, “Mommmmmyyyyy, I hafta go poooooooooopy.” I wanted to throw myself on the ground and have a tantrum. Of course I knew he said it loud enough for everyone except the people across the street at IKEA to hear, so I didn’t make eye contact with anyone out of sheer embarrassment and wondered what everyone there was thinking of me. Finally we were summoned to the counter and the lady was very helpful which I was grateful for. I asked if they had a restroom and she pointed to Jadon and said, “For him?” I nodded and she said, “Well, we aren’t supposed to let them, but it’s okay, I’ll let him in the back. Can he go by himself?” I thought, “Oh gosh, he’s never gone by himself before…i don’t know!” But instead I said, “uh huh, sure!” And off went my little boy to “go” by himself. As soon as the door closed behind him, my mind began to race… “Oh no, what if he makes a mess? What if he can’t get onto the toilet himself? What if he can’t open the door and he freaks out? What if…?” Then I began to think of all the people in line behind me, there were about 15 or so waiting in line. “What are they thinking of me?!” (you know? i ask myself that waaaay too much) Finally, after what seemed like an hour, he emerged with the biggest grin on his face and his shirt stuffed into his bright red underwear which he had pulled up super high and were sticking up above his shorts and declared in a loud victorious voice, “I went potty all by myself, Mom!” I shushed him and said in a whisper, “Good job, Bug” and untucked his shirt and pulled it down. I thanked the lady as she finished the paperwork while Jadon continued to tell the people waiting in line that he went to the “potty” by himself. I was mortified and kept saying, “Shhhh okay bug, that’s enough. good job.” Then Lilly decided she wanted in on the announcing and she began exclaiming, “J.J. went potty! J.J. went potty!” I paid and didn’t even put my wallet back into my purse and prepared to turn around and face the ever growing line of people behind me. I expected sighs, frowns, cocked eyebrows and rolling eyes, but instead was pleasantly suprised to find smiles, giggles, waves and “bye-byes” to the kids. I stood up a little higher, gathered what was left of my dignity at that point and we left, Jadon saying, “I was a good boy, huh mommy?” I smiled at him and told him he was. Whew! I was tired and my feet were killing me. We spent about 30 or so minutes in there! Thank God for the AC in my car that blows ice cold air on my feet as well as my face:) Lilly was asleep within minutes of getting on the freeway and Jadon was pleasantly quiet the whole way home.

I’ve gotta admit, there are definately times when I wish the kids were older, so that things would be easier or so that we could “do more” or whatever excuse I find. There are a lot of times when, like those song lyrics, I wish I could stop the train, get off and go home. I miss being a kid with no responsiblity, no bills, no stretchmarks and no one else’s bladder or bowels to worry about but mine! But you know what? When I really sit down and think of all the things I miss, versus all the things I love about my life as it is now, I find the scales very unbalanced. There are so many more things I love about being a “grown-up” and having kids, being married etc.  I know at times it feels like my life is a train. Somedays I am a speeding bullet train going too fast for comfort and feeling like I’m barely hanging on. Then other days I feel like I’m taking a train through Kansas where the scenery is all the same and the ground is flat and it’s too quiet. I think stay-at-home-moms have this swinging back and forth thing where one day they feel like it’s too crazy and the next we wish things would be different for once. As for the “slow times” I am learning to appreciate them as breaks and times to relax. As for the “fast times”, you can either feel like you’re being dragged along thru the dust, or you can turn it around and say, “Hey, let’s just do it! Let’s fly by the seat of our pants!” I find myself doing that a lot, (flying by the seat of my pants) There are a lot of times I have no idea if something will work, if I’ll be able to handle 1 kid, let alone 2 or now 3. But sometimes when we are thrust into the moment, it’s God’s way of saying, “Things are gonna go fast, do you trust me? ” It’s all in the trust. If you can say, “yes!” the ride is gonna be a fun crazy whirlwind. If you can’t say yes, you may feel more like you are being taken for a ride.

So “don’t stop this train, don’t for a minute change the place you’re in…”

Till Next Time,

Ashley

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5 thoughts on “Stop This Train!

  1. Hahaha! TOO FUNNY!!!! What a day! I can totally relate to a child who says the worst possible thing at the worst possible time — can you guess why????? 😉

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